Big Ron Jacobs signs long-term

Boston--After brief negotiations, the Boston Red Sox announced last night that they had avoided arbitration by agreeing to a long-term contract with 2-time MVP Ron Jacobs.

Jacobs, a 25-year old Mississippi native, agreed to $7.6M for each of the next 5 years. The deal is reportedly packed with incentives and fringe benefits, and an unnamed source says that the notoriously temperamental Jacobs will have his own hot tub in the clubhouse.

Jacobs was the #6 overall pick in the season 3 draft, and though fresh out of high school, rose quickly through the minors, arriving in Burlington (pre-move to Boston) about 1/3 of the way through season 5. Jacobs already has collected 4 Silver Sluggers, 2 All-Star appearances, 2 MVPs, and a Home Run Derby Championship. With 261 career HRs at age 25, many expect that Jacobs, with excellent health and makeup, to hold the world's career HR record for a generation.

Reached for comment this morning, Jacobs said, "A lot of guys will BS you and say that big money doesn't mean anything without a World Series ring. But I'll tell you that I'm thrilled about finally making decent money after single-handedly carrying this team to the playoffs the last two years. This contract isn't Curtis Smith money, but I'm going to buy my mama a new house, buy myself a Porsche and a new penthouse condo, and well, lets just put it this way: I expect I'll be getting the finest tail in Boston on a regular basis."